Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:14-15 (New Living Translation, NLT)

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18 (NKJV)

It can be so easy to get hurt or be treated badly by someone and then harbor a grudge against them. A grudge can be described as holding something against someone or becoming bitter towards a person or group of people. The Apostle Paul warns us against this in the verses above.

Granted, there are people who will do us wrong and will hurt us. Wisdom tells us not to let such people too close to us again. However, we are told to forgive them and move on from the offense. When we forgive, we simply let go of the hurt, and we allow ourselves to be free from hateful feelings that would harm us. Forgiving someone does not mean we condone what they did, but it allows us to walk away from the situation. If we hold a grudge or nurse a wound towards that person, we are chained to them and the hurtful event. We become imprisoned by the hurt. The only way to be free is through forgiveness.

The passage in Hebrews above mentions that a root of bitterness is poisonous and it troubles us and corrupts many. So, bitterness and holding a grudge actually may feel good for a while. But, it forces us to keep reliving the offense over and over. It is poisonous to our souls. We never totally heal from it. It is like a wound that is never allowed to heal because we keep removing the scab. It troubles us, robbing us of peace. And it corrupts others. What does that mean? Well, if we are honest with ourselves, we would admit that when we hold a grudge against someone we love to bring others in to bear that grudge with us. Grudge-holders like company. When we hold a grudge, we usually share the offense with others, which then contaminates them with the poison of bitterness and ruins their perception of the other person.

True, there are some people who refuse to “play well with others.” Steer clear of these people as much as possible and do what you can to live peacefully. Romans tells us that we are to do as much as we can to live peacefully with others. However, if we’ve done all we can and they still are confrontational or hurtful or otherwise destructive to a relationship, then do what you can to keep your peace, and move on. There are many people who simply cannot be nice- whether it is because they have been deeply hurt themselves or because they are full of the devil. Stay away if you can, but do not become bitter about it.

Grudges will make us feel good for a short time. But that feeling will turn to bitterness and deep-seated hatred. For some people it is a defense mechanism that allows them to build walls of defense against future hurt. But those same walls also become a prison. Don’t hold grudges. Forgive and move on so you can live free of the pain.